You've heard it before right?, if you don't look after yourself you would be forced to do so when you get ill. This statement hits home everytime I read it or hear it. I believe it is the same for a lot of single mums or any mums out there.
I will take you back to a time when I became a single parent, with my toddler son who was 1 at the time and I was pregnant with my now 3 year old son and I suffered with severe hyperemesis in that pregnancy. I was in a new area with no family or friends close by, which made me feel so isolated, alone and point blank abandoned. I literally felt like God had parked up his services to the side for me and put up a sign to say, "Be Right Back". Obviously, I was very wrong, I soon found out that life doesn't work like that. I just didn't want to see it or care to admit to the truth. As far as I was concerned, I was wronged by my ex partner and I wanted to just sink with my pain and disappointment. The world looked like it had turned upside down and there was no way it could ever get upright again.
So, determined to get through pregnancy with my toddler, while suffering from hyperemesis. I forged a new kind of strength trying to manage many roles and showing up at my 9-5 work as a Health Visitor. I was a total imposter, not eating well, not taking any vitamins, not drinking enough as I was scared to bring everything up and vomit. I do not want to lie to you, I was literally just bones and skin with a bump. The best way to put it is, "I was a walking skeleton". No one could tell me this of course at the time, if they dared to, I would think they were an enemy. Little did I know, I was in denial, running myself to the ground without realising it. I was determined to keep up with the strong woman narrative. I wanted to look like I had it all together. I ditched all of my learnt knowledge from my Nursing degree and my Midwifery Degree, I comforted myself with the idea that as long as I work hard and stay busy, I would be fine. All the science and facts didn't matter to me. So the strong woman persona was a Badge of honour.
You can only imagine, this all came to a halt, when I had to be rushed to hospital with severe Hyperemesis. When the Accident & Emergency doctor saw me, he said, I needed to take time to look after myself. If I went home I would do it, and I would be in a worse position and could lose the baby. So, the only option was to be hospitalised for a whole week.
So nervous to stay in the hospital for that long, I had to accept that I needed the help. I was forced to really take a deep look at myself and face reality. I was forced to stop pretending to be okay when asked if I was okay, to stop with the badge of trying to be a superwoman or super mum.
I had to learn to trust that someone could collect my child from the nursery, they could look after him while I was in hospital. I accepted I needed help, I made necessary phone calls to be honest with my friends and family without the shame or guilt. I made notes in my phone to write my plans for when I was discharged and for the future, I had a chance to actually sleep, get some rest and restore the lost nutrients. I felt revitalised, refreshed, rested and restored. It's at this point I realised it's these simple activities I needed to be doing on a regular basis to take care of myself that would save me and my children. I was no good to them being in the hospital, I was doing them a huge disservice by not looking after myself. I didn't want to be in the same situation again, so the only way was to wake up and smell the coffee and really do what I could to help myself. They say opportunity meets those on the dance floor.
I realized looking after myself was not just about me drinking my water and eating healthily and relaxing at the hospital only but it was deeper than that. For me to be an available mum, who was patient, gentle and present, I needed to deal with my mess 1 step at a time. I needed to take Self-Care seriously and make it part of my daily life, which would allow me to pour more love into my Mind, Body and Soul through specific activities.
I made the decision and committed to it, I reminded myself I was important and needed to show more love to myself. I spoke positively to myself, I told myself I was worthy of love and of getting help even if I was a single parent. I was deserving of feeling my best even if I was a single parent. I reminded myself that my children deserved a happier, well rested and supported mum. The next thing was to sort out my life in all areas and find a healthy balance that allowed me to nourish my physical, emotional, mental and spiritual needs. This commitment led me to creating a system of Self-Care called "The Ambitious Mums Self-Care System '', which is filled with mindset practices, routines, habits and strategies that helped me pick myself up and literally save my life as a single mum.
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