Fresh nail set. Beat face. A new hairstyle every few weeks. Facials. Massages. The occasional luxury item purchase…these are all the most familiar forms of self-love. We look and feel so Bomb once we leave our beauty appointments. It’s obvious that this beautiful woman loves herself, right???
In your relationships, whether it’s with a lover, friend or family…how are you being treated? How do you feel about the way your loved one speaks to you? How do you feel about their actions? Does it seem as though they are taking your thoughts and feelings into consideration?
If the answer is “no” then let’s chat about how setting standards of respect is also a form of self-love.
Respect (noun) : due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights or tradition of others.
It may not seem obvious, but how you allow others to treat you is a reflection of how you love yourself. I’m not here to set the standard for you, but I’m here to encourage you to set the standard for yourself. After all, what works for me…may not work for you and vice versa.
In any relationship - your thoughts and feelings matter. In a moment of conflict, you will need to be your own advocate. So here are a few tips to consider while setting standards of respect.
1. Think about how you want to be treated. Now think about how you do NOT want to be treated. If it helps, make a list of the top 5 actions/behaviors that you refuse to tolerate in any relationship. Just as an example, I am not okay with anyone raising their voice at me. So this standard is in my top 5.
2.Communication is Key. Disagreements are normal, but if you feel that someone has crossed the line…you must speak up! The first time they cross a boundary with you - give this individual some grace and address this issue during a time of peace. If the person really cares then they will take your feelings into consideration and readjust their behavior.
I will use myself as an example in the scenario of being in the midst of an argument when tension runs high and disagreement escalated into yelling.
In the heat of the moment, I will sternly tell the person that I will not have this conversation with you if you are going to speak to me in this manner. If they refuse to adjust their tone, then I’ll just simply walk away and let them know that we can discuss this matter when we have both cooled down. During this cool down period, I will digest the problem and seek clarity on how I prefer to move forward. Hopefully whenever we come together again - we would be able to work towards a resolution and I would use this as an opportunity to communicate that yelling will not be tolerated. Altogether, I clearly communicated my standard and we both agree to move forward with this boundary in place.
Keep in mind that this may be a new form of communication for this person, so it may take them some time to break this habit. If you know that they have good intentions with you in other areas…give this person some grace. However if this is just another negative trait on a long list of bad qualities…sis please examine the overall health of this relationship. ️
3. Stand firm in your standards of respect. At times, people may not be able to HEAR you until they SEE you walk away. Whether you need to step away for a few hours or a few days…be sure to stand firm in setting the tone in your relationships. When someone can see that you love yourself…they will respect you even more.
As women, we are naturally lovers and we have the inherent ability to tolerate a lot from the ones that we love the most. However there is no love in the relationship, if respect is not present.
Sis. Remember to love yourself. Remember to respect yourself. Remember to expect respect from others.
You are beautiful and you deserve the same depth of love that you have been so willing to freely give.️
